Updates ... and relating with a wiser phone
Janna Wilson
First a very quick wise phone update:
I’ve taken Facebook and Instagram off my phone
put an annoying passcode on phone to slow my roll (pickups)
gone analog on my Bible reading plan and any books I’m reading (ordered paper copies, yes I used the phone to order)
deleted all unnecessary apps and organized created folders for ones I may need for work/life (ie Remind, Slack, etc)
I’m pondering how relationships might actually thrive or be stressed with the switch to lo-tech, wise phone-type usage? Without immediate access to persisting text threads, Marco Polos, Voxer, FB messenger, IG messages and comments … I have to wonder what kind of FOMO I might feel about the online world or will it just be out of sight out of mind?
Rather than feeling so connected by multiple, shallow modes of connectivity, perhaps a few relationships can actually thrive in a time of less is more, lo-tech use? I can just be intentionally about making phone calls, making coffee/lunch dates and other face to face social calls (and by calls I don’t mean phone calls). What if a person just showed up unannounced? What!
This past year I joined a group Bible/book study with some other mamas. We meet once a week to discuss Bible readings , mother culture and generally stir up one another to good works. In the digital realm of Facebook, texting and the web—to form relationships the old fashioned way has been truly refreshing especially since all of us are very passionate about our faith, classical, conservative ideals and family. Though yes, initially this group was formed by a Facebook invitation to join a book study, it’s a pretty great example of a group of women that have navigated relating week by week and grown in relationship mostly apart from social media. I bring this up because I believe it can still be done, that is just regular old “peopling” as I like to call it.
So again, revisiting relating through the lens of my wiser phone transition, I am trying to evaluate how this change will effect my new and old relationships on a whole because I don’t want/plan to spend a lot of time texting beyond intermittent logistical texts and short necessary replies. My goal is to untether myself from this device, break the addiction to picking it up and mindlessly checking through notifications, emails, etc. Using the phone as a constant fountain of stimuli even if its in the name of learning or literature … or whatever justification I trump up. And surely I’m not the only one that spends minutes/hours texting long-winded replies/convos that would better set in a real life conversation/phone call then with consuming anticipation, linger over the phone waiting on a reply and so on. This may be well and good for the one on the other end of the text thread, but it isn’t good for the ones you’re sitting among. They simply feel ignored.
I know setting boundaries is imperative. Here’s my plan:
I won’t pick up the phone upon rising. I’ve been doing a Bible reading plan and using the Bible app to follow that, but no more. I’ve printed the scheduled reading and tucked it into my Bible to follow. I do enjoy listening to the readings, so I may allow some of that to be done in the car or while I fold clothes which is a normal habit for me to soak in some reading/listening while my hands are busy.
I will pick up the phone a few times a day—to reply to texts, emails, etc. that aren’t of a significant nature. I may even return some of these messages as calls. No lingering texts that should be a phone call.
I don’t have an issue with phone calls in this experiment, so I’ll be happy to chat with friends in that way as I do currently with several good friends.
My plan is not to use the phone for shopping, mindlessly or for social media. I’ll set aside those tasks for some dedicated time on the computer. I mostly shop at Aldi and a local store anyway, so that’s not that big of a deal. I had cut my Amazon shopping wayyyy back in the last couple of years, so also not a problem area for me.
Lastly, I am going to try to be more intentional about connecting in real life with friends and family. WE NEED HUMAN CONNECTION. Period. So more coffee dates, co-working dates, etc. I already had a wonderful lunch date today! Check!